On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
be right there i have to get my cape
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
