Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently the secret to your success is patron
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
