For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
