There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
