My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
