You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
