I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
