Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
