I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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