if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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