Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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