Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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