I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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