I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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