some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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