He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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