Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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