aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
