I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
