There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize