If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
