the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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