I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
