doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
