Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
