Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
