I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
