My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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