I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
