How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
