You smell like stripper and shame
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
