you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
