Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
