If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
