I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
