If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
