i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Its about making memories worth repressing
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize