im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
