Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh god it's open bar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
