i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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