I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
