You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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