Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
