Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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