i would punch a child for taco bell
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
