Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
