i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
