I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
