There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
