Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
