Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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