spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
sex in a hospital.. check
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
