also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
