i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
