So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
