meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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