It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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