Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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