I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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