saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
