He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
