Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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