I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
