Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
