well you can't waste a boner
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
