Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
