He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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