It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
