Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce