Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

  (281): View more from Texas

  umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

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  (713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window?? (281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out. http://tfl.nu/y9ae
  Replies (35) Good night (4016) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.

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  (803): i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them. http://tfl.nu/cyia
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (4368)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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  (863): If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat. http://tfl.nu/9rvo
  Replies (21) Good night (881) Bad night (3617)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land

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  (978): a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land http://tfl.nu/vapb
  Replies (35) Good night (1443) Bad night (5842)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.

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  (414): he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie. http://tfl.nu/pbor
  Replies (16) Good night (766) Bad night (4539)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

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  (714): if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed. http://tfl.nu/eogf
  Replies (3) Good night (2982) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

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  (517): After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders. http://tfl.nu/u1xt
  Replies (19) Good night (2965) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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  (732): you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito" http://tfl.nu/4p4o
  Replies (5) Good night (2385) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.

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  (478): You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable (318): You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call. http://tfl.nu/575v
  Replies (13) Good night (2589) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU

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  (847): YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU http://tfl.nu/vl39
  Replies (7) Good night (2038) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  "Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...

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  (605): "Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in... http://tfl.nu/n5vg
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.

  (951): View more from California

  Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.

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  (714): Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate. (951): Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day. http://tfl.nu/xq5q
  Replies (5) Good night (1176) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.

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  (206): I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too. http://tfl.nu/htiy
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!

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  (905): Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good! http://tfl.nu/hwch
  Replies (1) Good night (804) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment

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  (513): I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment http://tfl.nu/26yo
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (188)

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