after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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