Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

  (516): View more from New York

  one can only hope.

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  (732): I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves? (516): one can only hope. http://tfl.nu/2jko
  Replies (33) Good night (5571) Bad night (804)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

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  (520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. http://tfl.nu/emrq
  Replies (9) Good night (5359) Bad night (710)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.

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  (602): You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy. http://tfl.nu/r33s
  Replies (15) Good night (3195) Bad night (874)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days

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  (651): the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days http://tfl.nu/ifs4
  Replies (35) Good night (6635) Bad night (643)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

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  (978): They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people. http://tfl.nu/oty8
  Replies (46) Good night (7456) Bad night (1503)
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  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (23) Good night (7773) Bad night (1207)
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  (323): View more from California

  Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?

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  (323): Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang? http://tfl.nu/58hv
  Replies (7) Good night (2523) Bad night (1002)
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  (975): View more from Missouri

  At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.

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  (975): At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt. http://tfl.nu/pzgf
  Replies (5) Good night (2812) Bad night (869)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?

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  (512): Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning? http://tfl.nu/pcyg
  Replies (4) Good night (1419) Bad night (628)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy

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  (571): i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy http://tfl.nu/ffaz
  Replies (13) Good night (940) Bad night (1682)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?

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  (717): sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that? http://tfl.nu/vb27
  Replies (34) Good night (789) Bad night (2816)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

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  (443): My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love. http://tfl.nu/12sb
  Replies (8) Good night (3720) Bad night (719)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.

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  (716): You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night. http://tfl.nu/x8q0
  Replies (7) Good night (1495) Bad night (774)
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  (909): View more from California

  Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?

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  (909): Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy? http://tfl.nu/kkqk
  Replies (10) Good night (1981) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.

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  (904): There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone. http://tfl.nu/rh98
  Replies (3) Good night (298) Bad night (330)

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