it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
