I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
