she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
