Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
