I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
