home. puking in laundry basket.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
