All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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