I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
