I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
