hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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