god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
