A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's official drugs can't kill me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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