Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they're like a gay fantastic four
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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