i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
