THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
