I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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