I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
