I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
